Posts tagged relationships
Posts tagged relationships
"So this is love. So this is what makes life divine. I’m all aglow. And now I know, the key to heaven is mine. My heart has wings, and I can fly. I’ll touch every star in the sky. So this is the miracle that I’ve been dreaming of. So this is love." -Cinderella
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a princess and finding my true love. Disney movies fooled me into believing that you would have only one shot at this “love” thing. You see, every princess had only one prince. They never showed her going through reject after reject before finding her Prince Charming. What about Prince Douche Bag? Prince Cheater? Prince Liar? Prince Loser?
I learned the hard way that finding someone you really, truly love doesn’t come easy. The times I’ve ever told someone that I loved them had been premature. I guess either I thought that’s what love was suppose to feel like, or I felt that it was something I had to say because we had been together for a certain period of time. But what I’ve come to understand, looking back on my past relationships, is that I didn’t have enough experience to recognize true love.
Love. What the $%&* does that mean?! I know that I love my family. I know that I love my friends. And the love that I have for those people represents the place they hold in my life’s priorities. These people are the ones that will continue to grow with and make memories with. People who I can laugh with, cry with, and experience life with.
But what does it mean to love someone in a relationship?
The only thing I can tell you is what it is not. Love is not something you can buy. Just because someone buys you jewelry, expensive dinner and the latest technology fad, doesn’t mean they love you. Maybe some people feel that purchasing things at a high value shows that you are of value to them. But a ring can’t hug you after a bad day at work. A fifty dollar steak can’t be a shoulder to cry on. And an iPad can’t kiss you goodnight…at least the last time I checked, it couldn’t.
Secondly, love is not something you can be guilted into. When two people have been with each other for what they consider “a long time” there is this pressure that seems to come with that commitment of moving forward with the next step. I was watching American Pie the other day, and there was that scene with Vicky and Kevin. Vicky was in her room with long-time boyfriend, Kevin, and said that she wanted to take things to the next level. Kevin was more than excited about it because he though she meant having sex. Vicky then said, “I love you.” Unfortunately for Kevin, this was not what he, or his penis, had in mind. Kevin then explained how he wanted that moment of sharing “I love you” to be special. Cute. Cheesy. But really? I think he might have been saying that just to get her to sleep with him.
Which brings me to my next point: just because you are sleeping together, doesn’t mean that’s love.
There it is. So what the fairy tales fail to show little girls that dream of living the life of a princess are all of the struggles they have to go through to be with their true love. I think the only way to truly know if you are ready to tell someone you love them is to evaluate the times have said it. Maybe at the time you thought you were ready and that it was “right,” but looking back, can you say the same?
I have been in quite a few serious relationships, and I feel my experience in those relationships have given me the knowledge about love. I learned what love is not. And I also learned that I would not know what love is not, had I not had those bad experiences myself. Does that make sense?
I guess it’s true when they say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince, and I feel my luck has just began to turn. I finally know what it is like to love someone and be loved in return. This mutual caring for one another has been making my life that much better. I’ve learned to love myself first and never settle for anything less, and now I have someone in my life that is adding to all of those good things I have established for myself.
Maybe that’s what love is…when it is full circle; not you loving someone and them loving you back, but you loving yourself first, and then having someone else love you too. I’ve never experienced that until this point in my life. That might be the reason why my love life is finally shaping into happiness, rather than frustration and confusion. There is no second guessing. It is all so effortless, yet I would do anything and everything to fight for it.
Being that my life is not a movie, my fairy tale is far from coming to an end. In fact, I think it’s only the beginning. But never the less, I will enjoy being a princess with my prince…even though he wants to be a King for a day ;)
Needless to say, Valentine’s Day 2011 was a great success! I feel bad though…I was teasing my boyfriend non-stop the days prior to VDay about him not having any plans for us. I did promise him that even if it was just an evening of us hanging out while he plays his guitar for me, as long as he gave me a heads up if I needed to take the day off work, I was good to go. But he, once again, out did himself and surprised me with what I will call the BEST Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.
I came over to his house after a long day at work right at 5 p.m. as he requested (the 5 p.m. part is important because I’m usually always late, but I’ve been really good at being on time…and I can make the argument that me being on time was an added bonus to his VDay gift from me.) Anyways, when he opened his front door, my man stood before me with a fresh new haircut, wearing my favorite shirt on him, and smiling that smile that makes me weak in my knees. Waiting for me on his kitchen counter was a beautiful vase of a dozen red roses and an envelope with tickets to see one of our favorite bands…Yellowcard! My excitement for the flowers and tickets then led to a little makeout session in the kitchen, before it was rudely interrupted by my a call on my cell phone. (Note: always put your phone on silent before entering your boo’s place.)
All that kissing made us hungry, so my boyfriend then led me to his car for a surprise dinner. Even though we have been dating for awhile now, for some reason, I felt like I was going on a first date with him. I felt excited and had butterflies in my stomach the whole time. But that rush I had flowing all over my body was a good feeling. I love that even though we are comfortable with each other that we still get excited and even a little nervous when we do special things for each other. Despite the nerves, I was still hungry and ready to grub on some bomb food. We went to Tommy Bahama’s and had an amazing experience. The service was great, the food was fantastic, and all-in-all the atmosphere was romantic. We both enjoyed each others company and conversation over some delicious food.
We then headed back to his house, ate cupcakes, and cuddled up on the couch while watching the Grammy’s. That entire night was just perfect. But the best part, by far, was how we ended the night: me in his arms. That’s all I want and all I need to be happy. That warmth and security puts me at ease and I feel as if nothing can harm me when I’m wrapped up with him. And I know he would give me the world if he could, but all I could ever ask of him is his…well…love. He’s good at that. I could have used a performance by him with his acoustic, but I don’t want to sound too picky hahaha jk. But really, his a good guitar player.
So that was my BEST Valentine’s Day EVER! Don’t worry, I made sure to give him his VDay gift from me the next day, but this post isn’t about what I did for him. It’s about how special he made me feel and how he makes me feel everyday…which is nothing but pure happiness.
Now I got to go because he is sitting right next to me as I write this, and sorry people, but I got to make some more moments with him so I can share them with you.
Hugs and Kisses,
This not so single girl ;)
Twilight and Eclipse Pictures
I feel like I owe it all of my followers to do a post dedicated to the day of love…Valentine’s Day. Last year, my Valentine was my mom. It was my first Valentine’s Day as a single girl. At first I was devistated that I didn’t have anyone to share that Hallmark holiday with, so I had every intention of boozing it up with my other single friends while bagging on all of the guys who had done us wrong. But I realized quickly that I shouldn’t be bitter about being alone, but rather celebrate all of the love I have for myself.
Someone stupid once said that in a relationship, two halves make a whole. What a fool that person was. You cannot go into a relationship being half of the person you can be, expecting the other person to complete you. No one knows you better than yourself. And until you find yourself, may you truly find someone else who can love you for you.
Therefore my single friends, love yourself on Valentine’s Day! Buy yourself a new outfit that makes you feel sexy. Or treat yourself to a very expensive dinner. Take a bubble bath and relax. Maybe even play solo if you catch my drift, wink wink. You owe it you to yourself to treat yourself good, because if you don’t, how do you expect someone else to do that for you?
It took me awhile to come to that realization of loving myself before anyone else. But when I did, I found someone who truly brings out all of the great qualities I already have. And instead of completing me, he highlights the traits that make me love myself even more, and inspires me to continue to do things that will make me love me everyday.
I’ve been watching all of these cheesy commercials on TV about Valentine’s Day, and while all of them seem so cliche, I must admit there was one that caught my attention. The message was not to celebrate “I love you” but rather “I love us.” And it’s true. A relationship is not one way and while saying “I love you” might be a big deal in a relationship, the real test is if loving what you have together. Do you love your partner as an individual? Or do you love the two of you together? I’ve had someone tell me they love me, then they followed it with “but it’s not working out.” Until recently, I’ve never had someone tell me they love what the two of us have together, and I think it’s because I know who I am as a person, and I know I bring a lot of great things to the table.
In short, love yourself. Your happiness and individuality will bring along great things in your love life. And if you are with someone this Valentine’s Day, remember, it’s not all about you loving the other person, but you both loving what you share together.
Lots of love,
This not so single girl
P.S. I can give this advice because I’m not single anymore ;)
I cannot stress this enough: commonalities in music is so important in a relationship. Much like this fellow below, I too have dated musical douche bags. And I did give their tastes a try. But who am I kidding, it was horrible! Country music is HORRIBLE!!! Never will I sacrifice my ears to that kind of torture again.
The first conversation I ever had with my boyfriend was about music. At the time, we were just classmates. But we were up until 2 a.m. going on about music, bands, who we both like, who we need to listen to, and what not. It resulted in us having this musical romance where we would make each other mixes of music we wanted to share with each other. So not only did we expand our music “likes,” but we expanded our like for each other.
I prayed for the day I would meet someone I could lay in bed with, lay on the sand at the beach with, or take a long drive with and just listen to music. And my prayers have been answered. I feel having the same taste in music has given our relationship a special hobby. We both venture out looking for new bands with new sounds to share with each other. And I’m happy to say I even got to go to a few shows with my new boo.
But the best part about my new relationship is how my boyfriend is a bad-ass musician! Only one time, though, has he taken me to the beach late one night, busted out his acoustic and played some songs while I sang along. It was so much fun! It was sweet and romantic…my idea of a perfect date.
Certain songs have captured some of the most monumental moments in our relationship, from our first dance, to our first kiss…to many other firsts ;) But without that shared interest in music, I don’t think we would be as close as we are, especially because I think for the both of us, music is our passion. But now we have made that passion OUR passion, and it’s been amazing.
So, my advice to you if you are one with a passion for music, find someone you can share that with, because it does make all the difference.
It’s something that I’m highly interested in. I’ve found that most of my girlfriends have had quite different music taste to me and it’s grated on me somewhat. Sure we’ve had a few bands in common but most of my exs just HATED Muse or Ska music.
This is just wrong.
Plus they’ve liked really wank…
Yesterday I was hanging out with my squeeze, showing him all of the clothes I bought on my shopping trip when he had asked me…
"So, do you know what you are going to wear on your date with Chris?"
I was taken off guard because I was thinking to myself, “Baby, you’re the only one I want. What are you talking about?!”
And then I realized…he was talking about my long time crush with the lead singer of one of my favorite bands, Dashboard Confessional’s Chris Carrabba! Ahhhh! Chris and I have been a fling since I was just a girl in high school. He captured my heart with his poetic lyrics, mysterious brown eyes, and his heart-melting voice.
The first time I saw him was on May 25, 2003 at the Glasshouse in Pomona, Calif. A friend of mine bought tickets to the show and surprised me with them when I got out of swim practice.
I was so excited to see him! I sang along to every song. I shouted his name between his set list. I even pushed every emo whore out of my way at the show, in order to squeeze as close as I could to the front of the stage. Yes, I was die-hard for Mr. Carrabba.
My second encounter with Chris was at Inland Invasion 2003 at Glenn Helen. It was hotter than hell at that show, but nevertheless, I faced the heat for Chris. It was at that show when he covered one of my favorite songs at that time: “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus…how did Chris know?! He even said before he started the song that even though he was about to perform a song that wasn’t his, that it was still one of his personal favorites :)
Finally, I went to a show all by myself Winter of 2010 at the place when Chris and I first met, the Glasshouse, where I enjoyed an acoustic set by New Found Glory before my Boo took the stage. Sadly, I had an illness coming on earlier that day and had to leave Chris’s set early, only to find myself at home, hugging the toilet, and crying because I left Chris without saying good-bye.
But, my main squeeze did me right this Christmas, for he had purchased me tickets to see Dashboard Confessional perform at the House of Blues for their 10th Anniversary Swiss Army Romance Tour! I am so excited! Chris and I will finally be together once again.
But what about my squeeze, you ask? Well, he will be by my side, of course. That’s why he is so amazing. He understands my obsession with my long-time crush on Chris and has accepted the fact that Chris plays a very important role in my life. My squeeze has got to be the best guy ever. And even though I’m going to a show to see another man, I’m going home with the one, and the only one, I want to be with and who has my heart.
Hands down this will be the best date I will ever remember, always remember ;)
Have you ever just looked at a picture of the special someone and smiled because seeing them just puts you at ease? Listen to one of my favorite songs by the Cure, Pictures of You. Good stuff for the heart.
After I wrote my post All the Small Things (originally titled It’s the Little Things), it dawned on me, when I was in the shower…naked…lathering my body with Vanilla body wash…that Blink 182, one of my favorite bands of all time, already knew what I was talking about!
All the small things. True care truth brings.
Words to live by, people! Don’t discredit the small things your squeeze does for you.
She leaves me roses by the stairs…surprises let me know she cares.
Whether you say it or not, the little things you do for someone, or that someone does for you, speak for itself.
So to start your Monday off right, check out All the Small Things by Blink 182, and surprise your squeeze with a little gesture of joy ;)
When you are single, you start to realize what you want in a relationship. By dating different people, and seeing what else is out there, you are able to say “I like that quality about that person,” or “I will never date an Angles or Ducks fan EVER AGAIN!” Dating provides you with a taste test, if you will, for what satisfies your relationship hunger. But no matter how much you taste test your way to what you think is the best relationship entree, you can never predict the unexpected dessert that follows the main course.
Confused? Let me elaborate. You might be looking for someone who has a job, or is going to school. Someone who hates country music (if that’s what you want to call it). Someone who likes to dance…I call those things the entree. But you never search for someone who does the little things, such as opening the car door for you or sends you a text every morning when they wake up. Someone who tells you that you are beautiful every time they see you…I call those things the dessert. Catch my drift? These little things, these gestures that seem so effortless, are the big things in relationships, and are what make the relationship special and unique from the others. It’s the extra treat to something at is already…AMAZING! Much like having multiple orgasms. One is all you could ask for…but if a second, third, or fifth happen to follow, then hell yeah, bonus!!! You don’t expect it, but when you get it, it make everything that much better.
My main squeeze (and only squeeze), surprises me with these little gestures quite often. And while all of them make what we have that much more special, he did something tonight that really caught me off guard and made me feel so special. If I told you what it was, you would think I’m silly and that it’s no big deal. But to me, it is. And that’s what I’m trying to convey; the little things are not little. The little things show that the person cares. And in return, these little things should be acknowledged with a BIG KISS and a loving “Thank you.” You don’t have to say what they did to do you good, but this is enough of a gesture for them to know that you recognize their appreciation for you.
So my lovely single readers, get yourself a few dates (the appetizer), find your desired mate (the entree), and start noticing the little things (the dessert), because trust me when I say they make a big difference. Bon appetit!
Earlier in 2010 I started this blog to reveal my life as a single girl. I shared my funny times about hitting up the bars with my girlfriends. I talked about giving second chances. I revealed the heartbreak I felt when I did give second chances. And in between all of that, I provided you with the silliest details of my life…like losing my cell phone in my…well…just read that post. Looking back on the past year, I have to say, I’ve been through a lot, especially when it comes to relationships.
I’m now 24 years old…another year older and another year wiser. I think 2011 will bring me more experiences with a happy and healthy relationship. In 2010, I had overcome relationships that were bad in so many ways. For example, right before 2010 I ended a two year relationship with someone who NEVER told his parents about me. Who does that?! I also experienced bad dates, such as this one guy who only talked about working out and would ask me to “guess which body part” he worked out that day…eww!!! And let’s not forget all of the liars. There was this guy I dated who would lie about creeping on other girls when he was with me. You idiot, I can see everything you are writing on Facebook, why are you going to try to lie to my face, Dumb Ass?
While I did have a crazy first part of 2010, it did contain some of the best times I’ve had with someone. Taking things slow, and getting to know each other made the time fly by. I spent my summer nights at the beach, under the stars, sharing some of my favorite music. I got to dance close and suffer to hold back that first kiss. I developed a deep friendship with someone real, someone who just gets it! I was introduced to the person who made every other douche bag I dated worth the torture they all put me through.
Nevertheless, I say, out with 2010 and Hello to 2011!!! I’m welcoming this year with open arms because now I can get a fresh start on my love life. Time to rid all of the bad experiences, and make some new, better experiences with someone who is worth my time. I hope everyone finds what they want in a relationship this year, if they have yet to. Words of advice, if 2010 taught me anything, it’s to go after what you want, never settle for less, and DO NOT hold your new boo accountable for your Ex’s mistakes.
With that said…Have a Happy New Year from your not-so-single-girl ;)
By K.M. Duenas
This is why I’m still single…
because I’m a 24 year old obsessed with Twilight.
because I lose my cell phone in my boobs.
because I like to wear fake eyelashes when I do my make up.
because extensions are this girls’ best friend on a bad hair day.
because I rather wear flannel pajamas than a little black dress.
because I sing off-key in the shower, in my car, in my room, at a bar, and pretty much everywhere!
I’m still single…
because I smile like a saint, but curse like a sailor.
because I like to pretend I’m a rapper.
because I eat ketchup with everything!
because I cry at the end of the movie “Revenge of the Nerds.”
because black is the only color found in my wardrobe.
because I’m not afraid to say FUCK YOU in a joking manner.
because my idea of a perfect date doesn’t involve cell phones.
because I have a blog.
I still single…
because I’m clumsy.
because I have my ears, lip, and tongue pierced.
because Malibu Rum is my favorite alcohol.
because I love to get spray tans!
because I need three alarms to go off in the morning before I can get out of bed.
because I’m always running late.
because I’m not to shy to ask for seconds at breakfast…lunch…and dinner.
because I’m not a size 0.
I’m still single…
because I get nervous when people stare at me, when you stare at me.
because I get jealous when you flirt with other girls.
because I’m good enough to hook up with, but not good enough to be serious with.
because I’m not your ex-girlfriend.
because I’m scared to let my guard down.
because I don’t want to cry over you.
because I know you can hurt me without even trying.
because you will always wonder if there is someone who is better for you.
I’m still single because I’m me.
I’m still single because no one sees past my tits.
I’m still single because you are too afraid of what your friends think.
because I laugh at your jokes.
because I smile when I see you.
because you keep me warm at night.
because I miss you when you’re gone.
because you are my best friend.
because I love you!
…I love you.
You want to know why I’m still single?
because I wrote this poem.